Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
