Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize