I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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