I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
