I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
