I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize