The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
