Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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