Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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