Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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