He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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