Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
