Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
