This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
