Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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