I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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