I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
