Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
