There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
