I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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