I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
