My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize