Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
