After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize