i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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