Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
