My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
