so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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