I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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