it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
