it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
