It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize