All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
