btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
