just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
