Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
