1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize