i was born a porn star she said
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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