I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
