there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
