if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
