I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
