scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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