You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
