Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
