There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
