oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
