My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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