When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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