the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
