It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
