Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
