Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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