I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
