News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
