i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
