i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
