what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
