If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
