Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
please don't ironically join a cult
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