this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
