you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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