i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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