I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
