My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
