I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
